Torture

Really, who thought of the Third Place play-off? Come on, someone needs to own up now, there is a sadistic human being out there who devised this monstrosity, and some very cruel aiders and abetters who allow it to continue.

Can you imagine what it must be like for a player to have to play in this match? You begin the World Cup with an optimistic outlook, tempered with a bit of realism, but as the tournament goes on, and your team is successful, you allow your hopes to get out of control. Suddenly you're in the semi-final, just one game away from playing in the greatest sporting event known to mankind, and now, you allow yourself to believe that all your dreams will come true.

Then you lose the semi-final. What must it feel like? Fate has cruelly led you up the garden path, and your date with destiny is now a night infront of the telly with John Motson. Your body's every sinew has been sacrificed in pursuit of the Holy Grail, and now you must contemplate the reality that it may never be yours. The phrase you thought would never apply to you is the one now being broadcast in every country on the planet - you are out of the World Cup.

The key words in that last phrase are 'World Cup' and 'out'. In other words, for you my friends, the tournament is over. You will play no further part. What sort of mind is it then, that comes up with the idea of forcing these shattered individuals to re-appear? What kind of malicious inhumanity is required to hatch such a plan? Losing semi-finallists should be allowed to go home and suffer their failure in quiet contemplation. In the World Cup however, they must come back, parade themselves before thousands, and play the most pointless 90 minutes of their lives.

How can players be asked to take part in a World Cup match with no prospect of glory? How can you ask human beings to go and entertain once again the thousands of people whose hopes have been destroyed along with their own. How can the barbarism of this public execution be permitted in a civilised society??

Is it any wonder that teams almost always play the reserves in the Third place play off? Yes of course they tell us that they are giving a taste of the World Cup to those not quite good enough to earn a place in the team. We all know the truth is that the players who lost the semi-final are cowering in a corner somewhere, begging their coaches to be merciful. The coaches at least have some compassion within them. FIFA, I implore you, please end this now, before you are thrust before the European Court of Human Rights and rightly punished for your most hideous crimes against humanity.