La Copa Mundial De Futbol

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Alan Shearer - CWSOP

It's not often that the BBC come in for harsher criticism than the goons on the other side, and as usual, the beeb has generally provided far superior coverage throughout this World Cup. Last night however, I reached boiling point whilst watching the second semi final on BBC 1. Never have I heard a spouting of such complete and utter bollocks as that delivered before, during, and in the aftermath of, France's victory last night. Not only was it bollocks, it was also unforgivably biased bollocks. The usually exemplary Alan Hansen and Martin O'Neill were even guilty on this occasion, but there was no greater offender than perhaps the single worst pundit of World Cup 2006 - yes, even worse than Ruud - Alan Shearer.

At both half time and full time Shearer expressed the view that this World Cup had tailed off since the group stages, and had in fact been a steaming pile of shite since the commencement of the last sixteen. Did Shearer watch the previous night's semi-final? A match so emotionally draining many who watched it were unable to sleep due to the nervous tension that refused to leave their bodies? Even if this professional World Cup analyst did manage to miss the biggest game of the tournament so far, surely he saw the magnificent flowing football of France v Brazil? Or the drama of Argentina v Mexico, ending with the goal of the tournament? Was he under instruction from the BBC, so pissed off that they had been lumbered with such a dreadful semi-final, to deny all knowledge of the amazing match that had been shown on ITV the night before?

Shearer's colleagues generously attempted to make him look less of a twat by backing him up - O'Neill for instance said "yes Alan you're right, teams have looked a little nervous as the competition's gone on". What, you mean as they get nearer to the World Cup final? Oh how dare they become nervous, how inconsiderate of them. Martin, you're better than this, don't feel you have to back this idiot up! Alan, I've got news for you - you and you only think the World Cup has been shite.

Then we have the unbelievably one-sided assessment of the match itself. Shearer and Gary Lineker may be English, but that gives them no right to virtually cheer on the opponents of the side that knocked out England. The analysis throughout gave the impression that Portugal had cheated England out of a semi-final place, and that the French were going to avenge this for us. Now tell me in what way were Portugal cheating against England? Given that Wayne Rooney had stamped on a player's private parts, was a polite enquiry (and it actually was - no imaginary card waving) about the possibility of a red card unreasonable? These pundits had no reason to dislike Portugal before the game other than blinkered bitterness brought about by their own teams failings, exactly the type of reaction we have come to expect from hooligans. Maybe messrs Lineker and Shearer would feel better if they put the windows of their nearest Portuguese restaurant through.

Of course, no one could defend the blatant cheating that the Portuguese turned to as the game wore on last night. Surprisingly their one forward, once again inexplicably reduced to none late in the match, failed to create a chance against the flat back ten of France. The only Portuguese hopes were raised by the lunatic behaviour of Barthez. Inevitably, Portugal became frustrated and desperate, and their attempts to con the referee became farcical. Our friends in the studio, of course, dipped their bread. They might as well just have chanted 'cheat, cheat, cheat' throughout the post match discussion, such was their delight at being able to criticise the villainous Portuguese enemy.

There was however, evidence of one more piece of 'simulation' that appeared to be ignored in last night's game. Did anyone else think that Thierry Henry, who as we all know despises the ghastly cheats, was rather keen to make the turf's acquaintance after the challenge by Carvalho? There can be no doubt that Carvalho's boot made contact with Henry - but so what? Since when was this alone a foul? And since when was it ok for a player to throw himself to the ground simply in order to make the referee aware that inconsequential contact has been made with an opponent? Call me old fashioned but to call a challenge a foul, I was under the impression it had to bring the player down, or at least interrupt his momentum in some way? Carvalho's challenge did not affect Henry's run in the slightest, it was not enough to prevent him carrying on, and it was entirely Henry's choice to hit the floor. That is a dive. That is cheating. And it was just as bad as anything the Portuguese players did. So did our 'experts' acknowledge this? Nah.

Lineker - "There's no doubt this is a penalty is there?"
Shearer - "That's definitely a foul, you can't blame Henry for going down there"
Hansen - "Stonewaller"

If Cristiano Ronaldo, who I can't stand by the way, had won the penalty in the same circumstances, do you think he would have received this reaction? No, me neither. Still no matter, everyone loves Thierry Henry don't they? And we all hate Ronaldo and Portugal, so why let facts get in the way of anything?

Taking of facts let's get to a few. The match was awful, and both teams, that's both teams contributed equally to this. After France had scored their thoroughly unmerited goal, they went on the defensive for the rest of the game, safe in the knowledge that there was really nothing to defend against. This was not simply a case of a side sensibly and classily defending a lead, this was out-and-out negativity, everyone behind the ball, not even looking to try anything on the break. It was a return to the France of the first round, the France of Euro 2004, the France of World Cup 2002. It was a return to the France I had confidently predicted would totally flop, and here they are in the World Cup final. France and Zidane gave us a display to savour in but one match - against a shockingly bad Brazil. On the evidence of the tournament as a whole, and especially the two semi-finals, there can only be one winner of the World Cup on Sunday, and certainly only one deserved winner. It's not France. However, I have had enough of writing the French off and being made to look silly so I'm going no further with that. For now.

As for Portugal their performance was indicative of the poor standard of opposition they have had to play to get to this lofty stage of the competition. A group they couldn't fail to get out of, a vile Dutch team interested only in tarnishing The Beautiful Game, and a completely disorganised, reduced strength England, who they didn't actually beat. Results not worth of a semi-final place unsurprisingly led to a performance not worthy of a World Cup semi-finalist. Scolari's tactics were bizarre, never playing more than the lone Pauleta in attack, and then actually substituting him in two extraordinary situations, first against an England team down to ten men, then when a goal down with a World Cup final place up for grabs. Then again, to look at Portugal's squad, what was his alternative? Portugal's next best striker was Nuno Gomes, so the Brazilian was probably sensible in assessing that he was better off without. Scolari's fury at the referee for not buying his players' attempts at cheating pretty much summed up the desperation of the Portuguese effort.

Of course, any sensible analysis of this match would have criticised France's inadequacies, and dull approach to the game.

Shearer - "Well France have been one of the better sides in the tournament, and they proved that tonight"

I give up. All I could think of was what the analysis would have sounded like had that performance been delivered by Italy. The Azzurri would have been crucified, 'look at them sitting back on the lead, no one wants this in the World Cup do they?', 'well it's just typical Italy, we see it from them every time, it's disappointing they have this attitude when everyone wants to see an entertaining game'.

Any real football fan should be thanking their lucky stars that Italy are in the final, they are our only hope of World Cup 2006 getting the climax it deserves on Sunday if the French take the same approach into the game as last night. It's a shame the three teams that have stood out clearly above the rest in this World Cup ended in the same half of the draw. Any combination of Italy, Germany and Argentina would have made a fabulous final. Indeed it's possible that the destiny of the first semi-final is to be remembered as the greatest final that never was. Let's just hope that the France, and Zizou, of the quarter final, turn up one last time. The reality is they will have to if France are to take their second World Cup.

I am now off to lobby the BBC for a panel of Hansen, O'Neill and Leonardo for the final.

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