32 years of hurt

We may still be a long way from finding out which two teams will have their names printed on the match day programme for the 2006 World Cup final. However we can tonight make one declaration about this official publication: Appearing beneath the two finalists will not be the name G. Poll (Hertfordshire). If World Cup 2006 saw its first English disappointment yesterday, in the shape of the stricken Michael Owen, tonight it got its first taste of abject English failure. Not provided by the players this time, but by our top-rated whistler. I though, am not complaining. Graham, I salute you, because tonight you helped to give the final set of group games the complete mayhem it has so desperately needed. You also played your part in the game of the tournament so far.

Where to begin? Well, Australia should have had three penalties. Graham gave the least obvious one, actually a very well spotted handball by Tomas, who wafted stupidly at a cross with his hand but made minimal contact. However when the same player later volleyballed one out of play that was about to be headed in by an Aussie attacker still chasing an equaliser, Graham gave nothing. Before any of this, he had also inexplicably turned down a stonewaller for a rugby tackle on Viduka. Now I accept refs generally don't give three penalties to one team, but they were all such obvious penalties it's difficult to understand how he missed any of them. Then we come to the cards. Anyone who has seen Graham ref in the Premiership will know that once the cards start coming, they don't stop, and he did get rather carried away tonight. Graham correctly issued two yellows apiece to Simic of Croatia, and Emerton of Australia. So, five minutes to go, and ten-a-side. Shortly after this comes a second yellow for Simunic of Croatia, but Graham forgets that he's already booked him and Simunic stays put. Then, as the clock begins to tick way beyond injury time, the plot becomes just a distant memory. With Croatia desperate for a goal to stay in the World Cup, and sensing they only have one more chance, Graham pulls a Croat defender up for a foul throw, that's a foul throw, in the third of three minutes of injury time. The Australians score from their throw in, but the celebrations are cut short by the whistle. Nobody seems to know what the whistle is for though; a foul on the keeper maybe? The end of the match? Viduka clearly thinks the latter and gives our Graham a hug, but Simunic doesn't appreciate this show of friendship, or the fact that the game is over, and has a few words. This earns him a third yellow from Graham, and this time he remembers the red as well. People pile on to the pitch, the match is presumed to be over, and Graham can't disappear fast enough, probably grateful that his misery is finally at an end. Personally though, I can't say I ever heard the final whistle.

In amongst all this was actually a game that would have been an exciting enough spectacle with or without Graham's help. The best free kick of the World Cup so far from Srna gave Croatia the lead, and the penalty that Graham gave brought Australia in level at half-time. The finest of goalkeeping howlers from Guus 'genius' Hiddink's choice of new keeper put Croatia back infront. Australia then threw absolutely everything at Croatia in search of the goal would send them through, an old fashioned frenzied game of all out attack against desperate defence. However, when Kewell got lucky and equalised from an unnoticed offside position, the tables were gloriously turned for the last ten minutes. Suddenly the ball was flying in and out of the Aussie box, and shots are being fired from everywhere, and the keeper's flapping at everything, and it's being kicked off the line, and defenders are falling over each other, and, and and...! This spell was made even more compelling by the fact that the Aussies naively forgot their position and helped Croatia out by hastily restarting the game every time the ball went dead in their favour. Wonderful entertainment.

The result of the match was fair, and the result of the result was fair, nothing between the teams on the night, but Australia showed much more belief throughout their three games, and deserve to go through.

Order and chaos, triumph and despair, elation and dejection. And that was just Graham's night. You can't ask for much more. Except I can, it's the World Cup and I demand more!


N.B - There is a prize for the first person to leave a comment correctly explaining the meaning of my title for this post.