Still not quite there...

These final group matches are just not delivering. Surely group E was certain to end in unbearable tension wasn't it? The last few minutes were certain to be a chaotic shambles of desperate managers trying to get on the pitch, teams reverting to a 0-0-11 formation, and bamboozled commentators feeding us inaccurate scenarios that are out of date in seconds. Weren't they? Well apparently not, Italy and Ghana went through without suffering any major trauma. Those from Prague, having lost yet another centre-forward, were pinning their hopes on the return of Baros of the Czech Republic, but instead they got Baros of Aston Villa. Typically, Italy went one up then treated the rest of the game as an annoyance, defending their lead grumpily, like teenagers completing their chores. Once Polak had accomplished one of the more brainless sending offs ever seen, it was pretty much all over.

The Azzuri did add some entertainment to the proceedings towards the end, bringing on a personal favourite of mine: Filippo Inzaghi, the most offside player ever. Within thirty seconds, 'Pippo' made a trademark premature run, duly triggering the flag. Hilariously however, the replay revealed that the decision was actually incorrect! Poor Pippo! The first time in his career he times a run correctly and he's denied. Will he ever recover from this? Difficult to apportion blame to the linesman, as the idea of Inzaghi being onside is about as plausible as Ronaldo passing a pie shop, but what a dreadful disappointment as this would have been one of the genuinely memorable moments of the World Cup. But what's this? Another run, and this time no flag! Pippo's through! He won't have a clue what to do next, this is the point he usually turns to abuse the linesman, he never gets this far. Hang on, he's round the keeper, and it's there!!! Blimey, he must have been practising whilst sitting around injured for the last few weeks. I have always thought that if he could ever stand in a legal position he'd be dangerous, so mark my words, in the rounds to come we must watch out for the all new improved, onside, Filippo Inzaghi.

For Ghana, their destiny is probably to be unluckily knocked out by an underperforming Brazil in round two, but I imagine they'll probably settle for that. In fact Ghana are one of the few teams who would probably rather play Brazil than one of the perceived weaker qualifiers, better having the experience of a game like that than being knocked out by Croatia, Switzerland or Ukraine, which might have been the alternative had they won the group. That list of potential opponents is interesting though, now that we know Italy have that spot in the draw. I can't see the Italians losing too much sleep over Croatia or the Aussies in the last sixteen, nor will they be too concerned about a quarter final against the Swiss, Ukraine or possibly South Korea. The latter would provide the Azzuri with the chance they have been longing for to avenge the daylight robbery they feel they suffered when being knocked out by the co-hosts in 2002. Just about everyone else saw it as just desserts for all the years of trying to hang on to 1-0 leads, but believe me, that game is far from forgotten in Italy. Although the Italians have been known to falter against far less taxing opponents than the above, if they do manage to see two of these teams off, they will be in the semi-final. That's when Italy usually take things seriously.

As for the pandemonium, it's up to either Croatia and Australia tonight or, perhaps more likely, group G tomorrow with three teams still very much in it. Of course, with any luck, the French will be painfully and tearfully eliminated.