Ok, if I must...

England games. It's not that I'm not excited, I'm very excited, because I'm excited about every game. It's not that I don't want them to win, of course I do. I want England to win the world cup. There, I've said it, and you should refer back to this comment throughout the tournament. However...

There is just something about the atmosphere around major England internationals that I find irritating and unsettling. Whether it's the out-of-control optimism, tacky supermarket memorabilia, or racist tabloid hyperbole I'm not sure. Actually I think the worst thing of all is the part-time supporters. Part-time England supporters, part-time football supporters, and part-time world cup watchers are just everywhere. I want to share my World Cup with the kind of people who have considered looking for rehab clinics that cure football addiction. And then thought better of it. Sadly, amongst all the plastic flags, plastic hats and plastic beer glasses these people get lost, and I am forced to discuss the game with people who can't remember any other World Cups, don't know any of the opposition players, and in some cases don't even know the sodding off-side rule! This problem does not occur at Macclesfield, I can tell you that. Why can't these people just piss off to Ikea?

Since Euro 96, England games seem to have taken the place of royal events; they have the feel of a royal wedding, or a coronation or jubilee. I'm all for displaying colours, even flags. The more the flag is used by people who aren't vile Daily Mail, BNP type people the less it becomes associated with them. And that's good. However, it's a football match, and it should be about football, and nothing else.

Most importantly, if you are a football fan, you should be able to watch England games objectively, praising the opposition playmaker when he outwits us, recognising that our strike force is a bit on the average side, and not reacting with total surprise when Rio Ferdinand cocks up. Above all else however, a football fan should be doing one thing and one thing only when the final whistle blows in the England game today - switching over for Sweden v Trinidad.